


On Golden Sands

by gingerinafez



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Angst, Derse, Motorcycles, Pesterlog, Pre-Sburb, Robots
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-25
Updated: 2015-08-26
Packaged: 2018-04-17 02:57:02
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 13,133
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4649583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gingerinafez/pseuds/gingerinafez
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After watching Jurassic World with Jake, Dirk decides to build him a motorcycle for his birthday.<br/>Great idea, right?<br/>Wrong.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Dirk ==> Pester Jake

**Author's Note:**

> This does have some Jake/Dirk angst but they never get together, this is pre-game. Sorry, no fluff.

**Dirk == > Pester Jake**

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering  golgothasTerror [GT]

TT: Yo Jake, I got something for you.  
TT: You awake?  
TT: Are you jacking to those blue alien girls again?  
TT: Because if you are…  
GT: Hello!                
GT: My apologies, I was watching a movie, for your information. And there were no cerulean women involved.  
GT: Not that that’s important or relevant to anything you have previously conspired my activities consist of!  
TT: Bro.  
GT: It’s just a fact of my cinematic experience.  
TT: Okay.  
TT: Have fun with that.  
TT: Aside from your dick’s affiliation with blue aliens.  
TT: I have something to show you.  
GT: Oh really?  
GT: Well what is it?  
TT: Before I show you, you have to promise me something.  
GT: Sure thing.  
TT: You can’t show anyone what I’m about to show you. Okay?  
TT: This is like history altering big.  
GT: Dirk.  
TT: Astronomically huge.  
GT: Dirk.  
TT: You can’t  
TT: What?  
GT: You’re not going to send me another dick pic, are you?  
TT: Nah.  
TT: Well.  
TT: If you really want to see my raging cock…  
TT: <http://tinyurl.com/onslsmw>  
GT: I’m not clicking that.  
TT: You’re loss.  
TT: Anyways, no, it’s not a dick pic.  
TT: Remember how you made me watch all the Jurassic Park movies over vid chat?  
GT: Of course!  
TT: Well, I have something that will blow you’re fucking mind.  
GT: That raises my expectations.  
TT: Even if it’s not a dick pic.  
GT: *_*  
TT: http://watchjurassicworld.mspa.com/413/thisisntreal

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering  golgothasTerror [GT]

 

 

 


	2. ==> Be Dirk

==> **Be Dirk**

It was getting dark in Dirk’s room. He hadn’t realized until he saw that he couldn’t tell if the wires in front of him were red or blue. He flipped a switch on his overhead lamp and continued to fiddle with the wires.

He’d been at it for hours, hunched over his cluttered workbench in his cluttered room; not even taking a moment to appreciate the irony that the whole set up reflected his cluttered mind.  He finally looked up when his ears popped. A gust of wind blew through the open window. It had been humid that day.

“Fuck.”

He quickly placed a piece of scrap metal over his blueprints to keep them from flying away, and ran over to slam the window shut. “Everyone okay?” he asked aloud to the small room. The Sweet Bro Hella Jeff posters thankfully didn’t respond. If the muted figures on the TV had anything to say he didn’t hear it. Lil Cal blankly stared back at him. All was in order. Except…

“Goddammit guys…” he muttered as he pulled on a tee shirt and ran up the stairs, grabbing his katana out of habit. Squarewave and Sawtooth were still on the roof. Those robots were tough, but Dirk didn’t want them outside when the lightning started.

Out on the roof the wind tore through Dirk’s clothes. He was used to it though. Life in the middle of the ocean will do that to you. He was glad for his glasses; it had begun raining hard.

Dirk cautiously stalked the edges of the concrete platform. There wasn’t a robot in sight. That wasn’t good.  He vaguely remembered leaving some battle bots up here. Had he turned them off?

It was during that exact thought that a large chunk of metal came rocketing towards him. Being Dirk Strider he side stepped it easily. Unfortunately Squarewave went barreling over the side and into the tumultuous waves below.

“Shit.”

The rain was really coming down now. These ocean monsoons came down fast and hard. Dirk spared a moment to glance at the sea around him. The steely water was starting to boil. Even though the apartment was to high up to be hit, the sea spray was as relentless as the rain. Dirk was getting drenched from all sides. Through the gray sheets of rain, something darted to his left side.

_Shhhiink!_ The katana sliced into the robot attacking him. It was a new design Dirk had been working on. Simple yet elegant, and extremely deadly, the basketball sized metal orb served as a gyro sphere for six robotic arms. He flung his creation off the blade and into the sea as another one flew up behind him. He ducked and stabbed the wet air above him, impaling a second robot.

This time he was too late. The arms detached and began crawling onto his skin. He flung the body and sliced at the remnants on his arms and chest. It was difficult, and resulted in some blood, but they were off.

Why had he made them so cool?

A third and a fourth had catapulted themselves from the sides of the building. Dirk thought of the leather gloves he had left on his work bench. “Dammit…” his hands were freezing. He launched himself into the air, allowing the two bots to slam into each other, and came down effectively slicing them in half.

He kicked them off the roof before their sparking wires could get to the ever growing puddles surrounding him.

Immediately they were flung back. Dirk swatted them out of the way. It was easy to let go and have his instincts work for him, but it made him prioritize what was in front of him, not the big picture.

A flash illuminated purpled clouds in the distance. _One, Two, Three, Four, Fi-_ thunder boomed over the howling wind.

“Great and still two more to go.” He knew they wouldn’t let him leave until he had defeated him… or they had defeated him.

He stood still in the raging storm. They were waiting. And they had Sawtooth. In vain, he called, “Spiderbots! Deactivation code D46!” but the words were lost in the wind.

_Flash! One, Two, Three- Boom!_

“Aw fuck it,” he made a break for the door but Sawtooth came barreling down on top of him. He dodged. It skidded to a stop a few feet away, trying to lay down some sick fires, but failing miserably.

“It’s okay buddy,” Dirk assured the machine.

The last two bots zoomed at him from both sides. He jumped, but this time they were ready, and stopped before impact.

“Shit,” Dirk tried doing a backflip to avoid the bladed arms awaiting him, but in the wind and at that height he only managed to land on his stomach a foot away. He didn’t even catch his breath before the robots were on top of him. “Deactivati- oof!” A metal something hit him hard in the gut. The katana was slipping in his limp had.

_Flash! One, Two- Boom!_   “Fuck!” He spun around on his free hand and kicked on of the bots away. He didn’t have time. They came at him from the same side; he swung his sword for all it’s worth. _Shhiink!_ The bots’ arms whirred and flailed.

With a quick kiss to the blade and a heavy sigh, he threw the weighted sword like a javelin to the lighting rod atop the building. A second after he was inside the door a deafening _BOOM!_ shook the walls.

He peeked outside.

The sword and the two bots were smoking. He sighed. “Damn… I really liked that sword.”

 

Now that he could relax, his brain decided it was okay to let him know how much pain he was in. A measly, “Ow, fuck,” was all he could suffice to say on the matter as he stripped his clothes and dragged himself into the shower. He still couldn’t figure out where the hot water came from, but he was damn grateful it came from somewhere. “…thanks, Bro,” he muttered as the hot water washed over his shivering body.

About an hour later he stepped out of the bathroom in his boxers and a large hoodie Roxy had apperifed for him a while ago. Sure it was pink, but who was watching. His eyes toggled between his bed and his work bench. He really needed to finish that piece if he was going to get it to Jake by his birthday. But the bed looked so comfy, as unbelievingly uncomfortable as it was in actuality. Still, that piece was vital to the engine.

The thought was in vain. Already flashes of Derse’s dark pink and purple walls were sweeping over him. He stumbled over to his bed, and flopped into the sheets. Thunder and lightning flashed outside his window. Already, his mind was drifting lazily on planets elsewhere.


	3. Jake ==> Pester Dirk

**Jake == > Pester Dirk**

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT] 

GT: I still haven’t the faintest idea what this machine is supposed to be.  
TT: You’re not supposed to.  
TT: That’s why it’s called a ‘surprise’.  
GT: Well I understood that.  
GT: It’s just you’ve been sending me parts for weeks now and I don’t even know if I’m assembling the damn thing correctly.  
TT: I’ve been keeping an eye on Brobot.    
TT: He’s making sure everything is put together right.  
GT: I should hope so.     
GT: He only watches my every move day in and day out.  
TT: He’s programmed to observe you.  
GT: When I change?    
TT: A mere glitch.                  
GT: You’ll be the death of me Dirk Strider.  
TT: I should hope not, Mister Jake English.  
GT: So, still no hints as to the hunk of metal currently sitting in my bedroom?  
TT: Okay, just one.  
GT: …  
TT: It’s fucking awesome.  
GT: You’re incorrigible.  
TT: I know.  
TT: Now go, I’m sending you more parts.

golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]

 


	4. ==> Be Jake

**== > Be Jake**

 

It was fall on the little dot of land surrounded by the vast Pacific Ocean. That didn’t mean much though. The air was thankfully a few degrees cooler. The winds were picking up.

Jake gazed up at the clear blue sky over the glittering sea. A few spouts occasionally dotted the serene water. He settled back down onto the sand. Days like this were dangerous. The tropical air was sweet and the sand was warm and it was so nice just to lay down on the beach with his plaid button down serving as a makeshift pillow behind his head.

Something buzzed above him.

Jake shot up, pistol already in hand and scared the life out of a small fairy bull that had decided to check him out.

“Sorry old chap,” he repented as the animal quickly buzzed away.

 He lay back down but couldn’t relax. Not on a day like this. Not when there were so many things just waiting in the jungle to pick a fight with. Tactically speaking, the beach was an awful place to be. It was open and exposed. At least in the forest Jake’s light brown skin would provide some camouflage. Out here he stood out like a sore thumb.

Grudgingly he slipped his socks and boots back on.  It was a long walk back, but that was the point. It was weird at home; usually Brobot only bothered him outside but now the infernal metal mechanic was camped out in his room, guarding the ‘surprise’ Dirk was making for him.

“What the dickens are you planning…” he wondered aloud as he checked his pistols. They were in meticulous shape, as always. Jake felt good as he slipped the guns back into their holsters, and smiled to himself as the familiar weight settled onto his hips.

“That oughta do it.”

He stood on the sand, watching the water for a moment before turning away.

The island wasn’t gigantic, but it was big enough to cause Jake some trouble navigating. Here in the jungle the ever constant hum of bugs and birds filled the air. A million shades of green and brown surrounded Jake as he carefully picked his way through the underbrush. The pathways used to be well kept, before Jake’s time. But now they were overgrown and near indecipherable from the well-worn paths of animals and monsters that roamed the island.

Jake knew what that meant.

He slowly crept to the base of a large tree and crouched, holding a heavy pistol in each hand close to his face. Noises of the jungle continued, but further away, out of the imminent dangers’ path.

Jake held his breath. The humid air clung to his shirt. Nothing, not even a snap, broke the eerie bubble of suspense. He cracked a small smile. This was how he liked it best; the forces of the island plotting against him, with no back up, no plan b, and no safety nets.

A spark shot down his spine. There was something breathing on his neck. The something growled when he tried to turn. It was a deep sound, causing goosebumps to erupt all over his body. The seconds ticked by. Was it gone? He tried to turn again but ceased when a feline hiss signaled him to stop.

It was one of these. Very slowly, Jake aimed his right pistol. No protest came from the large animal inched behind him.

_BANG!_

Jake hit the forest floor as the giant cat monster leapt over him, roaring, and pounced onto the branch he had just shot down. The distraction only lasted a moment, and the cat was already turned back to face him. Its intelligent eyes regarded the weapons pointing in its direction.

The giant snow white cat’s tail twitched in a playful manner. It was always this was with the cat ones. They went from murderous to _oh please pet me!_ in two seconds flat. Its two mouths curled up into a double feline smile. It crouched, butt and tail wiggling in the air.

“Please don’t do this,” Jake asked, guns still trained on the fluffy face.

It seemed to slack for a second, and then tensed again.

Jake raised the left gun to the sky and fired one shot into the air. Birds scattered. The cat flinched. It mewed mournfully and stalked back into the woods.

Jake shook his head in relief and holstered the guns.

 

The rest of the journey was relatively uneventful. He spotted an abominable crustacean creature far off but thankfully didn’t come in contact with it. A ram-like variety of animal regarded him thoughtfully as he crossed a meadow. Finally, around sunset, he trudged up the stairs to his small home.

Outside the corridor to his room, the only corridor in the place, actually, stood a large wooden crate from the last air drop. He’d put the perishables in the fridge but left the rest as an unorganized heap in the box. He pulled out a bag of chips and an apple before opening his bedroom door.

Per usual, Brobot was situated on the floor assembling parts that Jake had decided must be some sort of engine. The robot glanced at him briefly before getting back to work. At least it was occupied with something aside from kicking his ass.

Jake tiptoed through the mess of weaponry and movie cases scattered about his floor to his bed. He grabbed one of his many laptops and settled into a good movie watching positon before pulling up a file Dirk had sent him a month ago.

 

Jake jolted awake when Brobot fitted to pieces together with a loud _snap!_ He rubbed the sleep out of his eyes and looked at the screen. The movie was ending, Owen and Clair were walking out of the makeshift sick bay, the dinosaur afflicted patrons filling the screen. _Jurassic World_ was by far one of the coolest things Dirk had shown him from the future.

It was strange knowing someone from another time. Dirk was did things like that often; sending him low-key impossibilities and alluding to the preposterous. But he knew they were real. Once, Jake had asked him where he was from, and Dirk responded that he had fallen to earth on a meteor straight into the ocean. Jake believed him. It was quite unnerving at times.

Still, that movie was thrilling. Raptor squad? Motorcycle? T-Rex team up? Extraordinary!

With that thought Jake closed the computer and crawled into the sheets. After a day like that, rest was a must. And… he was still in his clothes. With an annoyed sigh he shimmied out of the shorts and threw his shirts in a corner over some M16s. Brobot was whirring away at the motor, fitting some sort of cylinders into the sides.

Jake hit a switch and the lights went out. Brobot was unhindered.

The night air was cool, but Jake couldn’t sleep. Something… right in front of him… _“It’s fucking awesome.” Raptor squad? Motorcycle?_

_Motorcycle?_

He listened to Brobot working away.

“Fiddlesticks.”


	5. Roxy ==> Pester Dirk

**Roxy == > Pester Dirk**

tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  began pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: Diirk?               
TG: Hetlo?  
TT: Sup, Roxy.  
TG: YOu awkae?  
TT: Rox?  
TG: Oh, you ansered.  
TT: Roxy, go take a nap.  
TG: Nah, I m fine.  
TT: Are you okay?  
TG: Toatoally.  
TT: Roxy?  
TT: Hello?  
TT: Okay, pester me when you wake up.  
TG: Dirk?  
TG: I guess you’re off doing something.  
TG: Sorry about that.  
TT: Hey Roxy, how you feeling?  
TG: Like shit.  
TG: You?  
TT: A bit sore, had a hell of a time hauling Squarewave out of the water after the scuba bots finally recovered them.  
TG: Oh yeah, spiderbot fight, right?  
TT: Yup.  
TG: Always an event with you.  
TT: Speaking of events…  
TT: I got a problem.  
TG: Oh really?  
TT: An English problem.  
TG: *le sigh* How many martinis am I going to need for this.  
TT: Roxy, please don’t.  
TG: *LE SIGH* fine.  
TT: See, I’m building him this thing.  
TT: It’s kind of out of the blue but he said he really wanted one and now I’m in too deep to take it back and I think he’s suspecting what it is and now I’m… anxious.  
TG: Scared.  
TT: Me?  
TT: Never.  
TG: Dirk, he’ll love whatever it is because you made it.  
TG: Stop worrying. It’ll be fine.  
TT: Roxy you realize we actually aren’t dating.  
TG: Really? I thought after…  
TT: …  
TT: Were you  
TT: Were you writing fanfiction drunk again?

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]

 


	6. ==> Be Dirk

**== > Be Dirk **

“Motherfucker!” A spark hit Dirk’s exposed skin as he welded pieces of the frame together.

TT:  I told you not to wear your muscle shirt welding.

“Fuck you,” Dirk said aloud to his glasses.

The motorcycle project had taken over his entire room. Diagrams of crank shafts, and cam shafts, and other shafts lay littered over the floor. He had assembled the engine and fine-tuned it weeks earlier, before disassembling it and sending the machine, agonizing bit by bit, to Jake. Dirk had always thought he could build anything, but this dumb bike was really getting on his nerves.

Dirk built advanced combat robots almost daily. Dirk had engineered a hover board years ago that now sat idle behind his desk. Dirk had designed an AI consciousness and assimilated them into a pair of sunglasses. Hell, he made rap bots!

This bike, this fucking bike, it would be the end of him. It was modeled after a 2015 150cc Kawasaki. That was ancient! It should be a piece of cake, can of corn.

But it wasn’t. It was old school. It ran on petroleum for fucks sake. He didn’t even have petroleum!

TT: The bar is melting, genius.

“Shit!” Dirk pulled the torch away from the frame and cursed some more.

TT: Good job.          

“I will end you,” Dirk threatened, pointing a menacing finger at his own face.

TT: …

Instead, he simply removed the glasses and rubbed his eyes. It was already November. Jake’s birthday was a month away. He still had to finish the frame, and make the gauges! Not to mention putting it all together.

Lil Hal recognized his thoughts as he stared melancholy at the unfinished frame.

TT: And the wheels, sir.

Dirk groaned and leaned back in his chair. “Thanks for reminding me, Jarvis.” He had yet to magically acquire wheels from somewhere.

He had had enough.

Leaving the glasses on the desk, stepping over pistons and gaskets, Dirk stepped down the one steel ladder that lead to the ocean. It was sunny outside, but cold. The water was calm enough, he decided.

It felt good to take off his clothes. He left them a few rungs up so the waves wouldn’t get to them. Growing up alone, he never really saw the point of them except for warmth. A long time ago, he had tried to see how long he could last naked. He capped it at four days when one on his robots discovered he had a _very_ exposed weak spot.

Dirk shuddered at the memory. Still, he tried to dress like his infamous bro. Black jeans, converse, simple shirt. It was… comforting.

He dove into the icy water. “Woo! Cold!” he exclaimed, like it was a surprise. The ocean was exhilarating. He did laps around the frames of his home but got bored of it. Soon he was treading water due east.

“Where are you…?” His feet hit something solid.

He knew he couldn’t stay idle for long in that temperature water, but he took a moment to appreciate what he was standing on. The building was almost identical to his; same square rooftop, same lighting rod and same dead, boxy ac fan barely jutting out of the water. But this wasn’t his home. He peered over the edge. The fire escape was painted different colors. He knew if you dove down, the entire building was painted rainbow.

It had been done as an act of rebellion against the Condense centuries ago, showing that the occupants wouldn’t conform to her color coded society. Dirk had meant to scuba it one day, he even designed an apparatus. But he never got around to it.

The building made him feel… nostalgic. It was his only real connection with the future that lay ahead of Jake and Jane. Well… not necessarily Jake and Jane’s future. Still… this building was history.

Dirk was shivering by now. His apartment loomed in the distance, maybe a quarter of a mile away. He picked some seaweed off the structure before jumping back into the sea.

 

Lil Hal was yelling at him but Dirk hopped into the shower before answering. After an insanely long ablution he donned his favorite hoodie and put on the glasses.

TT: Dirk?  
TT: Dirk hello?  
TT: Dirk Strider, do not get in that shower.  
TT: Why do I even bother?  
TT: Why do I even try to reason with that man?  
TT: Does he know what I do for him?

Dirk rolled his eyes and scrolled down.

TT: GET OUT OF THAT FUCKING SHOWER OR SO HELP ME JEGUS I WILL CLIMB OUT OF THESE SHADES AND DRAG YOUR ASS OUT.

He scrolled down to the end.

TT: Oh, so you didn’t drown in the bathroom.

“No, I did not,” Dirk responded exasperatedly while lying on the bed.

TT: Well then, with that attitude I might not even tell you.

“Tell me what?” He sat up.

TT: Nothing.

“You cagey little shit, tell me.”

TT: Make me a body and I just might.

Dirk sighed. Hal had been asking for an automaton for ages. He’d gone to great lengths to endeavor Dirk making him one. He’s suggested some very... well… suggestive things in order to get it. Dirk doesn’t like to think of that conversation. It had gotten... weird.

“Hal, I-“

TT: It’s sitting in the corner dumbass.

“What?” Dirk looked. There were two tires and tubes lying on the floor under the appearifier. Dirk ran over to them. “How did-“

TT: Roxy dug some up. I talked to her about it. Said it was a Jake thing.  
TT: Got her to throw some lube in there to.

Dirk recoiled.

TT: Joint.  
TT: Lube.

“You little shit,” Dirk grinned happily as he picked up the tire. “But where did she even find them?”

TT: That little sea-estate of hers has a whole bunch of crap, including a garage.

Dirk pulled on some pants and sat down to finish the frame. “Well there you go; Roxy Lalonde saves the day, once again.”

TT: Good to know the world’s in good hands.


	7. Jake ==> Pester Jane

** Jake == > Pester Jane                         **

golgothasTerror [GT]  began pestering  gutsyGumshoe [GG]

GT: Pardon me, Jane, but do you think I could bother you for a moment?  
GG: Hey Jake!  
GG: Are you okay?  
GG: What’s wrong?  
GT: Nothing’s wrong, per say, just…  
GT: Imminent.  
GG: That’s a very strong word.  
GG: Are you in some sort of trouble, Jake?  
GT: Heavens no!  
GG: Then what is it?  
GT: You see Dirk is building me a certain machine of sorts and I…  
GT: Well I haven’t the foggiest what to do with it.  
GG: Is it another one of those robots?  
GG: That last one really hurt you. If it is you need to tell him that you’re not comfortable with it.  
GT: It’s not like that.  
GG: Then what’s it like?  
GT: I made Dirk watch these movies with me and then he showed me a cooler movie and I said I wanted something from said movie and quick as you like Dirk got it into his head and began sending me parts of it and now it’s halfway done and I don’t know what to do.  
GG: What is it?  
GT: Just a thing.  
GT: And I’ve wanted one for ages.  
GT: I’m not afraid of it.  
GT: I’m afraid I’ll…  
GT: Break it.  
GG: Is it delicate?  
GT: I’m not sure delicate is the correct word.  
GG: Well give me something to go on.  
GT: This isn’t a guessing game Janey I’m asking for your advice.  
GG: Jeeze, sorry.  
GT: Oh goodness.  
GT: My apologies that was rude.  
GT: I’m just horribly stressed here.  
GG: It’s okay.  
GG: But what exactly are you asking me?  
GG: You’re being suspiciously vague on the object in question.  
GT: It’s not really relevant, I’m afraid.  
GG: Jake, this ‘object’ could be anything from a dumb robotic fish to a full size working model android of your favorite blue actress for all intents and purposes.  
GG: I’m afraid the context is more relevant than you think.  
GT: Jane Crocker!  
GT: I assure you Mr. Strider would build nothing of that sort in his life!  
GT: What would give you such a notion?  
GG: I don’t know, Roxy was saying something earlier about one ~very~ flirtatious auto responder.  
GG: You never know with Dirk.  
GT: Thank you for that stunning imagery.  
GT: But no.  
GT: It’s nothing of the sort.  
GG: Then what is it?  
GT: What do I do?  
GG: To quote the lovely Ms. Lalonde,  
GG: *le sigh*  
GG: I think you should talk to him.  
GG: Tell him that you’re uncomfortable.  
GT: Alright.  
GT: Thank you Jane.  
GG: And if you ever feel like telling me what this allusive object is, I’m all ears.  
GT: Sorry I was being so cloak and dagger with that.  
GT: It’s only a motorcycle.  
GG: WHAT

golgothasTerror [GT]  ceased pestering  gutsyGumshoe [GG]


	8. ==> Be Jake

**== > Be Jake**

 

Jake English is an adventurer. His whole life is an exciting web of events that fine-tuned him into the rugged man ready for action. He always had a firearm close, and he always went looking for trouble. Gentleman hero, English could shot a spinning penny heads side with his eyes closed. This is Jake English.

Jake stopped making ridiculous poses in the mirror and really observed himself. “’Gentleman hero,”’ he echoed his own thought.

“What about you, ol’ boy, you think I’m a hero?” he called to Brobot, who sat on the bedroom floor welding together bigger pieces of the bike that hadn’t fit through the appearifier. The robot paused for a moment, as if to consider answering, and then went back to work.

Jake ran his fingers through his hair and straightened his collar before turning to the silent mechanic. “I don’t think I am.”

Again, the robot paused. Again, it continued.

Jake sat on the bed and looked around the messy room. “I will be. You watch, I will be.” No response. “I mean, look at me.” It didn’t. “I lost my only family. I have a mysterious past and apparently an adventurous future. I live on an island full of monsters. I can handle myself accordingly…” he laid back on the sheets, hands behind his head.

“But I just stay to my room.”

The robot worked away indifferently.

“One day I’ll be great. People may not know my name, but I’ll do something extraordinary. I’ll _be_ extraordinary. Think about it,” he jumped to his feet. “Mystery and heroes!” He stepped up onto the unmade mattress. “Death and tragedy!” He pulled his holster off one of his bedposts and fitted it onto his waist. “Action!” He slid one of the pistols out. “Romance!” He trained the gun at thin air. “Dir-“

He frowned.

Of course Dirk would be there. He’s his best friend. Well, maybe that was Jane but they were still close. But why had he thought of Dirk in that….

Jake shook his head. It was all this motorcycle business.

He regarded the contraption taking up his bedroom floor. It was now clearly a bike. Brobot was fitting the spokes into the rim of the tires. The thought of riding it exhilarated Jake. Every dashing adventurer needed a ride. This was Jakes.

He gazed out the window, unconscious that he was smiling. He could see it; riding through the woods, carefree, the wind ripping at his clothes. There were plenty of paths worn enough to ride. It was a good thing Dirk had told him to order some gas. What good is a dirt bike without fuel? He glanced at his calendar. It should be there in a few days, about a week before the bike’s completion date, December 1st, his birthday.

There was only one problem. One itty bitty, small, irrelevant fact stood in between Jake and his motorcycle. A mere trifle. Jake English couldn’t ride a-

“Brobot, sparring mode, five minutes,” Jake commanded. He was not going to entertain that line of thought.

The robot continued working, but it had heard him. Jake threw on his boots and ran down the stairs into the lush jungle.

 

The early morning sunlight broke through the canopy in bright beams, before softening into the mist blanketing the jungle floor. Birds chattered incisively overhead, paying no mind to the creeping teenager below them.

Jake stalked his way around the underbrush. He’s had strifes with Brobot here before, but he never had the upper hand. Brobot wouldn’t alert the other animals like the cat monster had. Jake had to be ready at all times.

It must have been over five minutes. Maybe Brobot had orders to prioritize the bike?

“Oof!” Jake was sprawled out flat on his back before he knew what happened.

“Damn.” The blur of silver came in for another blow but Jake rolled to the side just in time. It zipped past him and up a tree. Jake stood up and looked expectantly at the branches before being knocked down again, this time on his face.

“You little bastard.” Jake breathed, getting up once again and slipping into a fighting stance. This is how it always was with that infernal robot. It would play with him before actually sparring.

“Ahh!” The blasted thing pulled his shirt over his eyes! He pulled it off just in time to block the next hit.

Finally.

Brobot was hard on Jake, just barely allowing time to block. Jake hated fighting offensively but it was the best he could get with Brobot. The few times he had gotten hits in had turned awkward. The robot would block his punches by pulling him close or spinning him around, slinking a robotic arm around Jakes waist. Once, Jake had tempted a roundhouse but the Dirk-look-a-like had intercepted his leg and dipped him!

Jake didn’t think about any of this as he fell into a rhythm of blocking and dodging. It felt good to know he was capable of combat. He didn’t have to think, only react.

As the two of them went on, the noise of the jungle gradually rose again, deciding the grunts and crashes were no real threat. After a good twenty minutes Jake was getting tired. One of them had to tap out before sparring mode deactivated. Jake knew it would be him; it was always him.

Then the bot froze. It was only for a moment, already it was building up another swing, but in that time Jake landed a kick to the chest. The robot lost balance, but managed to pull Jake down with him.

Landing full body on a hunk of metal isn’t something Jake would recommend for anyone. But for one moment, in the blur of falling into the machine, his eyes caught the hat symbol embossed on its chest and it was… okay. Of course less than a second later his entire body slammed into the hard metal and knocked the wind out of him.

He allowed himself ten seconds to lay there on the robot, just to catch his breath. It ghosted one cold hand up his arm, and gently tapped his shoulder three times.

That was… an interesting turn of events.

Jake sat up, paying no mind to that fact that he was straddling a replica of one of his best friends. “And now what the devil is wrong with you?” he asked aloud. In response, the machine flipped him over, metallic knees on either side of his chest for a moment, before getting up and quickly zooming back to Jake’s home.

Jake didn’t bother getting up right away. Instead he took off his glasses and stared at the blurry green leaves above him. “I wonder what that was all about.” The birds had no input. Neither did the bugs. “Oh well, I’m sure it was nothing,” he resolved as he dusted himself off.

Unfortunately, this was one of those moments when Jake English was very, very wrong.


	9. Jane ==> Pester Roxy

**Jane == > Pester Roxy**

gutsyGumshoe [GG] began pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

GG: Roxy have you heard about Jake and Dirk?  
TG: oh  
GG: ?  
TG: oh my gOD  
GG: Roxy…?  
TG: It happened didn’t it?  
TG: I can’t believe Dirk didn’t tell me1111111  
TG: opps  
TG: !!!!!!!!!!!!  
GG: Roxy what are you talking about?  
TG: THey finally did it!  
GG: Roxy are you inebriated?  
TG: Not a lot.  
TG: I’m sorry Janey.  
TG: I know you liked him.    
GG: Oh my stars and garters Roxy!  
TG: But it was bound to happen sometime  
GG: I’m talking about the motorcycle!  
TG: Jake and Dirk are justTG: What  
TG: Waaaiiiiiitttttt………..  
TG: A motorcycle?  
GG: Yes.  
TG: Is this a two shots of vodka kinda thing or a two cups od coffee kinda thing?  
GG: I’d prefer the caffeine.  
TG: Righto,  Hiold on.  
GG: Roxy?  
GG: Are you okay?  
TG: Hello, sorry. I kind of visited that aforementioned vodka.  
TG: But don’t worry. I have arrived at my final destination.  
TG: Coffee Pot Central.    
TG: One way ticket for Ms. Lalonde!  
GG: Thank goodness for that.  
TG: Now what’s this I hear about a motorcycle?  
GG: Dirk is building Jake a motorcycle!  
TG: OOOOoohhhhhhhhh.  
TG: Oh I should have guessed.  
GG: Why?                        
TG: Yeah, Dirk kinda asked me for tires a while ago.  
GG: And you gave them to him!  
TG: Well, he was very convincing.  
TG: Now that I think about it, way more convincing than he should have been.  
GG: Care to elaborate?  
TG: You know what I bet it was that pesky auto responder.  
TG: Yup.  
TG: That’s why I got that fanfic.  
TG: mmmmhhhhmmm.      
GG: Dare I ask what this piece of literature consisted of?  
TG: …  
GG: Oh my.  
TG: ASIDE from that.  
TG: Yeah, looks like Dirk’s building a bike.  
TG: What’s the big deal?

GG: Do you think Jake even knows how to ~ride~ a motorcycle?   
TG: Oh shit.   
GG: Exactly.

gutsyGumshoe [GG] ceased pestering tipsyGnostalgic [TG]

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Formatting is freakin hard. I don't know what happened here


	10. ==> Be Dirk

**== > Be Dirk**

Dirk sat lazily at his computer monitor, flipping through old SBHJ comics online. It was nice to be able to finally relax. Two days ago he had shipped the last parts of the bike to Jakes. By last night Brobot had completed it.

He tried not to utilize the robot too much, especially when it went into sparring mode. It seemed like a breach of privacy. But throughout the duration of building the bike, he had taken the controls and manually assembled some of the more intricate pieces.

From the robot’s camera ports to Dirk’s computer screen, he had a pretty good view of Jake’s daily life. Again, he tried not to invade Jake’s space to much, but sometimes he looked so… beautiful.

Dirk loved it especially when he got excited. Jake was so eccentric; always bounding about his room, monologue ever constant. Dirk made a point never to turn on the audio, though, that was too much. It was temping sometimes. All it took was the click of a button.

It was still early. Dirk wondered if Jake was up yet. He hovered his courser over the skull icon in the corner of his computer. His fingers did a little dance before clicking it. A small window opened up. It was dark, but Dirk didn’t put on the infrared. He reminded himself not to be too creepy and shut the tab.

The comics couldn’t hold his interest.

“Playlist ‘Away’” he said aloud.

TT: I hate this one.

Dirk didn’t respond as Frank Sinatra filled the room.

_“Somewhere beyond the sea…”_

Dirk hummed along as he cleaned off a katana. He had a lot, but this was his favorite. It was easy to absentmindedly polish the blade, and let his mind wonder with the music.

One day, he couldn’t recall how long ago, he had been watching a dumb movie Jake recommended for him. He had said it was funny, that there was a giant gold meteor. Dirk liked it, but for days afterwards a line from a song half played in the film stuck in his head. Over and over, he would sing to himself, _‘Somewhere beyond the sea, somewhere waiting for me, my lover stands on golden sands…’_ A few searches later he found this ancient singer and fell in love.

Of course he’d never admit it to anyone as long as he lived that he listened to old love songs in his spare time. No one needed to know.

He gazed out onto the water and wondered if Jake ever stood on the beach.

_Beep. Beep._ He had an incoming vidchat.

“Hal, just wait a-“

The call connected. Jake popped up on the screen. “Hello? Dirk? Is that music playing?”

Dirk nearly impaled himself with his own sword as he scrambled to hit the hit the volume button on his speakers.

“Ho- Hold on a second Jake!” He called. “I hate you,” he muttered under his breath.

TT: You love me.

Dirk scowled at nothing before coolly settling down in front of his computer. Jake looked at him expectantly on the screen. “Pff, auto responder,” he explained waving one hand. “Sup?”

Jake looked nervously from the screen to what Dirk knew was the bike behind him. He chewed his lip. It would have been cute if it wasn’t about the bike.

“Uhh,” Dirk said awkwardly, “Happy Birthday.”

Jake took a deep breath. “Dirk…” he trailed off.

“Oh shit,” Dirk breathed. He didn’t want the bike.

“Listen, I love the bike, I really do…”

No. He’d overstepped. Jake felt obligated. He didn’t know how to tell Dirk and now it was too late.

“I don’t know how to say this but,” Jake’s eyes were looking anywhere but the screen.

“I can’t ride a bike.”

Dirk blinked. “You’ve never ridden a motorcycle before?”

Jake might have been blushing, Dirk couldn’t tell with his skin tone. “Um, no, Dirk. I- I’ve never even ridden a bicycle.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah.”

Dirk laughed.

Jake bent closer to the camera. “Are you laughing at me?”

Dirk quickly tried to cover it with a cough. “Nah, man, it’s all cool. I think we can deal with this.”

Jake leaned back. “How?”

“I’ll teach you.”

Now Jake laughed. “And how will you go about doing this?”

Dirk didn’t stop to think, he just rambled out loud with confidence. It was easier to let people think he had plans when in reality he just made it up as he went. “Go up to Brobot and say ‘activation code D Stri 44’” Dirk had just made up the code.

Jake leaned over his shoulder and repeated the words. “What did that do?”

“It allowed me to manually control Brobot. Now I can access visual and audio connection,” he lied. “Do you have a Bluetooth?” Jake nodded. “Good, put it on.” He did. “Can you hear me?”

Jake recoiled at the sudden noise in his ear. “Yes, I can hear you.”

“Good, now where’s the bike?”

 

The next hour was spent getting the bike down the stairs, with Brobot’s help, and getting it to a relatively smooth spot to start riding. Brobot was running low on uranium. After checking the logs, Dirk saw a strife had drained the last significant portion of its energy. That was a setback. It meant that the robot was basically just a walking android; no extra speed or strength.

It did the job, though, pointing out to Jake where the clutch and the gas were. He flooded it a few times but soon he was getting the hang of it.

“I feel quite dumb, having never told you,” Jake confided as he sped down the stretch of path. He would turn at the end, and go back. The mile stretch paralleled the beach, and was the smoothest stretch they could find.

“Nah, I understand.” Dirk told him. He had had Brobot climb a tree so it was easier to watch Jake flit over the ground through breaks in the canopy. It was a beautiful place to ride. The top portion of the monitor showed the serene blue of the ocean. There was a beach. The rest of the space was taken up by a thick roof of treetops.

From his viewpoint, Dirk noticed a large variety of pale creatures roaming the island. Dirk had gathered the Jake’s island was inhabited by lusii, but he didn’t know there were so many.

He heard Jake laugh into the Bluetooth as he pushed the gas on the bike. He hit a few buttons and zoomed in on Jake. He was flying on his new motorcycle. Dirk smiled to himself, admiring his work of the shocks. He couldn’t see it from here, but he knew Jake was pretty beat up. He’s fallen off the bike a few times before finally making the stretch. Now, in a matter of hours, he was almost catching air.

“Whoa there, English, don’t break something,” Dirk joked as Jake sped around a turn.

“Are you kidding me?” Jake yelled. “I’ve never felt more alive!”

The line was cheesy but Dirk let him have it. He remembered the first time on his hover board. It was a whole new experience. Of course, he had fallen off and hit the water. Going at the speeds he was, it wasn’t surprising that he broke his arm.

“Jake, I’m serious. Be careful,” Dirk warned. Brobot was going into reserves dropping from tree to tree to try and keep up with Jake.

“I’m fi-“Dirk’s heart stopped as the saw the back tire fishtail in some mud. “Fiddle fackle.” Dirk nervously laughed at Jake’s ‘cursing’. “I’m fine,” Jake finished.

Dirk could see the path that Jake was taking. It was visible from the trees for a while before it disappeared into a thick grove on the backside of the island. Jake was picking up speed.

“I’m serious, man.” Dirk warned. He leaned forward to the monitor. He had a bad feeling as he watched Jake’s green plaid flap in the wind behind him.

“Stop worrying about m-“

Dirk saw it in slow motion. The bike hit something, later he’d find out it was a small ditch in the path, just large enough to snag the front tire. Jake’s body slammed into the front handlebars, flipping him into the air, his figure crashed into a tree. The bike careened off the path. Jake lay motionless.

“Jake!” Dirk yelled at the screen. He frantically began commanding Brobot to go to him.

TT: Dirk, it doesn’t have that kind of power.

Dirk ripped the glasses off and threw them to the floor. “No.” The camera displayed Brobot speeding towards Jake when suddenly the screen cut to black.

“Jake! Jake!” Dirk yelled. Silence.

“Jake.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The Frank Sinatra thing was based off this comic I had to dig through tumblr to find again 
> 
> http://noircrow.tumblr.com/post/123181980175/he-isnt-happy-about-the-upgrade
> 
> (Sorry the link isn't enabled, you'll just have to copy and paste)


	11. Jake ==> Get Help

**Jake == > Get Help**

golgothasTerror [GT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

GT: Dirk  
GT: Who is this  
GT: I can;t tell  
GG: Jake?  
GG: It’s me, Jane.  
GG: Are you okay?  
GT: Jane  
GT: It hurts so bad  
GT: I cnt  
GG: Jake, what happened? Are you okay?  
GT: I remember crashing  
GG: Oh goodness, are you hurt?  
GG: Jake?  
GT: Sorory, my head is fuxzy  
GG: Did you hit it?  
GG: Do you have a concussion?  
GG: Jake, stay awake, okay?  
GG: Jake?  
GT: Sorry, mny head is fuzzy  
GG: Jake, don’t fall asleep, okay.  
GG: You need to stay awake.  
GG: Just keep watching the screen.  
GG: I’ll pester Dirk.  
GG: We’ll get you help.  
GG: Jake?  
GT: You tyoe awfully fast  
GG: Are you on mobile?  
GG: Can you contact Dirk?  
GT: I don’t want to  
GG: You’re hurt, Jake.  
GT: Hell get mad.  
GG: I know for a fact that he’s losing his mind worrying about you.  
GG: If I know Dirk Strider, the only person he’ll be mad at is himself.  
GT: yea           
GG: Did your helmet break?  
GT: what  
GG: Your helmet, did it take most of the impact?  
GT: I wasnt wearing a helmet  
GG: You  
GG: Weren’t  
GG: Wearing  
GG: A  
GG: Helmet?  
GT: no’  
GG: ohmygod  
GT: what  
GG: I’m just in disbelief.  
GG: I just can’t.  
GG: This is unacceptable.  
GG: What was he thinking!!!!!  
GG: Jake, do you know how lucky you are that you’re even alive?  
GG: Jake?  
GG: Jake! Wake up!  
GG: Jake?  
GG: Oh no.

golgothasTerror [GT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]


	12. ==> Be Jake

**== > Be Jake**

Everything hurt. It felt like he’s just been body slammed by a house; and wasn’t too far off from what actually happened, either.

Jake didn’t know if the shapes around him were blurry because he had hit his head or because his glasses had gone flying. Maybe it was both. He looked around his fuzzy surroundings, and tried to get his baring. “What… happened…?” he mumbled.

He tried to sit up but the ground started spinning and his arms were on fire and there were dots everywhere and his head almost exploded so he decided the ground was suddenly really comfortable. His phone was in his hand. If he squinted he could read the words on the screen. It looked like he’d been pestering Jane. When did that happen?

The sharp scent of gasoline reached him; he craned his neck painfully to see the bike on its side a few yards away. “What the dickens…?”

“Oh.”

It all came flooding back. That morning, the anxiety of not being able to ride, the relief when Dirk wasn’t upset, the hours of trying and falling and trying again to stay up, the freedom of flying down the jungle paths after getting the hang of using a clutch, Dirk’s warnings, the sudden jolt as he hit the ditch, the moment of weightlessness as he bounced off the handlebars, and then… black.

“Fuck.”

How long had it been? He checked his phone, thankfully the screen was dim. Why was it dim? Oh, the battery was almost out. Great.

Still, it was almost six. He’d been lying out here for hours. It looked the same as it had that morning, except the sun’s rays were slanting from the opposite direction. It would be dark soon.

Jake’s stomach rumbled. With excruciating effort he raised his head and saw that he’d thrown up most if not all of his breakfast over to his left side. It was a miracle he hadn’t choked on his own vomit. When did that happen? Then he saw his leg, or, what was supposed to be his leg. It couldn’t have been his leg. His leg didn’t face that way, last time he checked, no sir. Then again, the last time he checked, he hadn’t been catapulted into a tree trunk. His other leg was bleeding pretty badly, but at least that one didn’t have something white sticking out of it.

It didn’t hurt as much as it should, he realized. Why was that? His entire left side had a dull ache to it. That must have been the side to slam into the tree. What was he going to do?

While his syrupy mind mulled the predicament over, his right arm lazily groped the leaves to no avail. It was getting dark, and his head hurt so much. Surprisingly, the spongy leaves below him were comfortable, and it was warm in the under the cover of so much vegetation. He vaguely recalled someone telling him to stay awake, but it was hard. It wouldn’t hurt to close his eyes for just one…

 

There was something looming above him. It was large and pale. Jake stopped breathing. Slits of moonlight broke through the few trees and illuminated the monster. If he squinted, he could make out certain things, a wing here, and a fang there. It looked like a giant grub with a skull like face. Two white horns sprouted from the creature’s head, one straight up, the other with a hook at the top.

It skirted around Jake, sniffing his clothes. One of its arms, Jake couldn’t see how many there were, gently prodded his exposed face. Very, very slowly, he slid his right hand to his holster. Now he could feel the fire burning through in his left leg; it made his hands shaky.

The creature stopped moving, and focused on Jake’s hand. He stilled. Its milky white eyes stared right into him for a moment, before scurrying around again, touching the ground and the bike, like it was looking for something.

Jake closed his fingers around the gun and silently raised it to the blurry white mass.

It paused, and turned curiously to Jake.

“Mr. Monster,” Jake greeted it through gritted teeth, “I don’t know if you can tell, but I’ve had a down right ghastly day.  If you could consider _not_ eating me and running along, I’d be much obliged. If not-“he tightened his shaking grip on the trigger, “well, I have a bullet right here with your name on it.”

If a giant, horned, insectoid, skull faced, thing could scoff, it did. With a turn of its head and a jut of air from its mouth it tossed a small object at Jake. He made the mistake of trying to catch it with his other hand. The sprained wrist attempted to bat it away but his depth perception wasn’t exactly on par. The object landed squarely on his chest. He spared one second to squint at it.

“My… glasses?” The creature slowly walked towards him, treating Jake like a scared, injured animal, and chattered under its breath. The noise made Jake shiver. “Please stop!” he yelled out. It noticed his reaction and ceased, tilting its head to one side as if to say _interesting._

Jake set down the gun and put his glasses on. The left lens was cracked, but he could see fairly well. He yelped when he saw the creature. Detail did not suit it well. Its lacy wings fluttered restlessly as it studied him. It had to be intelligent.

“Can you understand me?” Jake asked, slipping the weapon back, but keeping his hand on it. The creature didn’t respond; he assumed that was a no.

It approached him again and scooted an object to his side. Jake picked up the dead cell phone and nodded thanks. “What are you…?” It looked at him like it didn’t understand; which it probably didn’t.

It slowly raised two of its arms, as if to show that it meant no harm. It reached down to him and began to pick him up. “No no no no…” Jake squirmed. It hissed at him, _don’t be such a baby._ But it set him back down. “Well what if you just take me to your lair and eat me, then what?” Jake asked. His head was pounding and his leg burst into a whole new level of pain. He tried to keep his breathing steady.

The beast did another head tilt, _well now what are we going to do?_

“Don’t ask me! I’m the injured one here!” Jake yelled, startling some night birds.

Something cracked in the brush. Jake automatically readied his pistol again. Mr. Monster sniffed the air, and snapped its head to the darkness on the other side of Jake. Of course, the danger was on his bad side. The monster hissed. Something chattered in reply. Jake did his best to rest his arm awkwardly over his chest and aim the gun towards the shadows.

The chattering grew more intense, and out stepped a leg larger than Jake’s whole body. Connected to the leg was a huge mass, and further up that was a gruesome face and a whole lot of fangs.

Mr. Monster hissed at the spider. The spider chattered back and advanced on Jake. Jake’s protector fluttered over him and placed itself in between Jake and the newcomer. It hissed again. “Mr. Monster,” Jake grumbled, “I can’t get a clear shot.”

Of course it didn’t acknowledge him. Jake couldn’t see anything behind the white mass in front of him. The air was tense. Jake didn’t know giant spiders roamed the island at night, and he decided he would have preferred it that way. The winged creature was allusive, but he had seen it once or twice.

He’s hate to scare it off but there wasn’t another way. He aimed the pistol at the night sky and fired.

The noise killed his already aching head, but Mr. Monster got the memo and fluttered out of the line of fire. The spider saw its exposed victim and charged, but Jake was ready. _BANG!_ “Ow.” One shot aimed at the face. Blue blood spilled from the creature’s side. He was getting sloppy. _BANG!_ “Ow.” Another shot rang out and hit dead center between its eight eyes. Still it charged. _BANG! BANG! BANG!_ “Ooow!” As soon as the monster fell over dead, mere feet from Jake’s body, he dropped the gun and covered his ringing ears. Not that it did any good, but he had to do something to keep his head from splitting in half.

Mr. Monster huffed in satisfaction, and attempted to pick up Jake again. He managed to grab his pistol before the creature gently lifted him up and cradled him in its six arms. He yelled out at the bolts of agony exploding from his leg. The creature let him scream.

As it began to walk away, Jake wished he’d pass out, but alas, fate wouldn’t have it.  He tried to anything to keep from focusing on the pain in his leg. He didn’t care where the creature was taking him. They just defeated a giant spider together; he figured that must count for something.

He ended up counting stars. “…forty-eight, forty-nine, forty, forty-one, forty-two, wait.” How long had he been counting to forty? There must have been more than forty stars up there. There had to be. It was funny, the stars were disappearing. The blackness around them grew darker and darker, slipping like a velvety blanket over the little white dots until there was nothing left.

 

What happed next was a blur. Mr. Monster had found its way to Jakes house. He vaguely recalled watching it flutter up to his window and try to get in. Upon discovering it was too big, it groped around with its nimble arms and pulled out what it could reach. He remembered it fussing over him. He defiantly remembered it setting his leg, and tying some cloth around it. He had been screaming.

Somehow Mr. Monster had known what to do.

When Jake woke up the next day on his bedroom floor, under the window, he saw that he was in his tee shirt. Mr. Monster had taken his jade green over shirt. How peculiar.

His leg was set up in a green and white sheet from his bed and a fairly straight branch. He tried to move it but the pain was overwhelming. He cried out. Luckily his laptop was only a few feet away. Still, the crawl was a marathon.

The short exercise left him beaded in sweat.

He caught his breath before heaving himself into a sitting position at the foot of his bed and opening the laptop. His Pester Log was lit like a Christmas tree.

“Well,” he breathed, “that was an interesting birthday.”


	13. Roxy ==> Pester Dirk

**Roxy == > Pester Dirk**

tipsyGnostalgic [TG]  began pestering  timaeusTestified [TT]

TG: Hey.                            
TT: Hey.  
TG: So, how you doing?  
TT: How should I be doing?  
TT: I broke my now-will-never-be boyfriend.  
TG: You didn’t break him.  
TG: If anything you saved him by building and sending those doctor bots so quickly.  
TT: But it was my fault he got hurt, Roxy.  
TT: I was dumb and wasn’t thinking and it got him hurt.  
TT: Roxy?  
TT: Still there?  
TG: Yeah.  
TG: I just  
TT: Don’t know what to say?  
TT: There’s nothing to say.  
TT: I fucked up bad.  
TT: Jane already called out my ass,  
TT: Which I deserved.  
TT: Jake says he’s fine but I’ve bedridden him for two months  
TT: And for a goddamn motorcycle.  
TG: Dirk, Jake’s not mad at you.  
TT: Of course he is, he won’t talk to me.  
TG: Have you tried talking to him?  
TT: No.  
TG: Maybe you should try.  
TT: And say what?  
TT: Hey, sorry I fucked you over on your fifteenth, opps, my bad.  
TT: ?  
TG: Maybe you should.  
TG: I don’t know.  
TT: Roxy?  
TG: Yes  
TT: Can you send me something?  
TG: Sure, what do you need?  
TT: Something strong enough to make me forget watching his body fly into the air and hit that tree so hard the audio picked up the bone snapping.  
TG: Dirk I’m not sending you alcohol.  
TT: Please, Roxy.  
TG: No.  
TT: I need it.  
TG: You’re not going down that road and you never will.  
TG: You hear me Dirk Strider?  
TG: I’m not going to let you get so intoxicated that you can’t tell which way is up and are lying on the floor in a puddle of your own vomit.  
TG: Don’t talk to me about needing alcohol, Dirk Strider.  
TG: You know nothing about trying to stop and having your hands shake until you’re holding a martini glass full of vermouth and tears streaming onto your keyboard.  
TG: I’m not going to let you wake up on your damn bathroom floor not knowing what day it is.  
TT: Roxy, I  
TG: Oh no!  
TG: No  
TG: Don’t even speak to me right now, Strider.  
TG: I’m not even going to entertain this new fuck all attitude.  
TG: I’m not going to have your inebriated ass decide to fight some robots and drown out in the middle of nowhere.  
TT: Roxy I’m sorry I didn’t mean  
TG: Fuck you.  
TT: Roxy, I’m so sorry.  
TT: I’m so sorry.  
TT: Please, I’m sorry.  
TG: I forgive you, Dirk.  
TG: Now go talk to Jake.

tipsyGnostalgic [TG] ceased pestering timaeusTestified [TT]


	14. ==> Be Dirk

**== > Be Dirk**

It had been two weeks since the crash. Dirk felt miserable. If he got over it and forgave himself, he was a dick, if he beat himself up over it and felt bad while Jake was lying in bed recovering, he was a dick. Nobody was outright deeming him the dick that he was, because they forgave him.

“How could you guys do that?” Dirk asked aloud to the dark ceiling. “How can you tell me it’s okay?” He couldn’t get that image of Jake rocketing into the tree out of his head. Jake had told him a ‘monster’ had taken care of him. That kid was the luckiest son of a bitch Dirk had ever heard of. The fact that a Virgin Mother Grub lusii had stumbled upon him before any of the more vicious ones did was miraculous.

He didn’t want to think about what would have happened if it hadn’t found him. Even at the insane rate he built the medibots, Jake could have died. And Dirk had caused that. They really only spoke when Dirk sent the bots. He’s been silent ever since.

The darkness of his room was broken by various electronic lights; only Hal knew how many chargers, ports, and monitors were scattered about the small space.

Roxy had talked to both of them, and assured Dirk Jake wasn’t mad.

He sighed and rolled over in his bed. Roxy was a saint. She never did anything wrong. Even after he pissed her off she forgave him. Which was completely unfair; he had been an asshole.

Jane was the only rational one. She called him out on his shit and then told him to get over himself, plain and simple, good old Jane. She wasn’t even mad when Jake told her he still wanted to ride. She just wanted to make sure he was safe. Jane was the first to see the lightweight gear he had designed for Jake. And yes, there was a helmet.

Still, everything was so awkward now.

Dirk buried his face in his pillow, and when he raised his head his room was bathed in a soft purple light.

He sat up on his bed and looked at his new attire.

“God, I hate pink.”

He really didn’t. It just got a little overwhelming when the entire planet was a fuchsia nightmare. Dirk got up and floated over to the window overlooking Derse. Roxy’s spire was on the horizon.

There was no day or night here, just constant shades of deep purple. He glanced up at the darkness. At first, it just looked black, but as he waited, slow, wriggling tendrils appeared, barely visible in the inky sky. Horrorterrors.

“Hey guys,” he whispered, more to himself. An uneasy shiver ran down his spine. They’d heard him.

“Might as well check on Roxy,” he decided. He wished he could check on everyone, but he was a Derse dreamer, and would never lay eyes on Prospit. He hoped Jane and Jake were okay over there.

Sneaking around the moon of Derse was one of his favorite pastimes. The dark, cobbled streets had plenty of excellent hiding places, but the Dersite guards could be very good at their jobs. He had to look keep an eye out for them.

He never knew how long it took to get Roxy’s spire. He often lost track of time observing the enormous planet the moon was chained to, and not by gravity, an actual, giant purple chain connected the two spheres.

As violently violet as the planet and its corresponding moon were, it was still beautiful. Because the planet was so small in mass, its castles and spires extended at all angles, making the planet look like a spiky purple cannon ball. There was never any weather on Derse, so you could always see the bustling planet-wide city below. Dirk didn’t think the planet even had an atmosphere.

After the whole scenario with Jake, Dirk had been spending more time here. He was always somewhat conscious of his presence here, but now he actually spent time exploring and flying in between towers and old brick passageways.

Oh yeah, the flying was pretty cool too. He wished it could always be like this. There was absolutely nothing that compared to being weightless. It also made it a hell of a lot easier to duck away from guards. A personal favorite of his was to lead them into a dead end and fly up the wall. He was too fast for all of them.

Dirk scooped up a newspaper as he flew down a back alley to Roxy’s. The Dersite tabloids were always making up crazy rumors about him. Of course the ones about him sneaking out of his tower were true, but, no one high up would believe it.

He flipped through but there was nothing interesting so he tossed it over his shoulder and kept going.

 

Dirk had never visited Roxy’s home, but from her room on Derse, he had a pretty good idea what to expect. He quickly zoomed up the side of her spire and youth rolled into the room.

It was roughly the same size as Dirk’s, same cluttered feel to it but defiantly more feminine. Most things were pink and had cats on them. It made Dirk smile. Roxy loved cats.

She was sprawled on her bed in the corner, half falling off the mattress, snoring. At least she wasn’t sleep flying around Derse. It was always a hassle to go and find her, but Dirk didn’t mind. He would give the world to keep her safe.

She hiccupped in her sleep and frowned, mumbling things Dirk didn’t understand. She scrunched up her pink sheets and tried to use them as a pillow, but just ended up flinging them off the bed. The momentum caused her to fall, but Dirk flew the length of the room and caught her before she hit the ground. “Whoa there, Rox.”

She faced him but her eyes were closed. She patted his pajamas and smiled, murmuring more nothings. He hefted her up bridal style and she sighed, leaning her head onto his chest. He laid her down on the bed and spread the sheets back over her. “…Dirk…” she mumbled as he stepped back.

“Yeah, Rox?”

She mumbled something else but the only word he could make out was ‘stay’. She tossed and turned in her sleep, groggily groping the air where he was a second ago.

“Okay, Roxy, I’ll stay.”

He sat down next to her and brushed the hair out of her face. Roxy’s gentle features calmed at his touch. He rubbed her arm slowly until she was breathing deeply. When he got up, she didn’t protest. “I’m not gonna let you down, Rox. Whatever this all means, whatever the witch has up her sleeve, I’ll keep you safe.” She only sighed contentedly. He smiled again, and kissed her on the forehead before flying away.


	15. Dirk ==> Pester Jane

**Dirk == > Pester Jane**

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]

TT: Heyo Jane.  
GG: Hello Dirk, how you been?  
TT: Good.  
TT: You?  
GG: Good.  
TT: Jake?  
GG: Why don’t you ask him for yourself?  
TT: Jane, honest opinion time.  
GG: Oh?  
TT: Am I a bad person?  
GG: No.  
GG: Dirk?  
GG: You still there?  
GG: Listen Dirk, you get carried away. And the good thing is you mean well.  
GG: Seriously, just talk to him.  
GG: He’s waiting for you to say something.  
GG: He thinks you’re mad about the bike.  
TT: Why does everyone always think Dirk’s mad?  
GG: Are we talking in the third person now?  
TT: Oh, sorry.  
TT: It’s me.  
GG: Oh, is Dirk busy?  
TT: A bot went haywire.  
TT: He’ll be back in a moment.  
GG: Oh, okay then. So…  
GG: How are you doing?  
TT: I’m good.  
TT: Get off of here!  
TT: I’m sorry I don’t like to leave conversations hanging in thin air.  
TT: I’m sorry that a robot just tried to kill me.  
TT: Good, it was very rude.  
GG: Guys.  
TT: Oh, so now me almost dying is rude.  
GG: GUYS  
TT: Sorry  
TT: Sorry  
GG: Anyways,  
GG: Just talk to him, Dirk.  
GG: The lack of communication between the two of you appalls me.  
TT: You’re right.                                            
TT: Sorry I’m being so damn difficult.  
GG: You’re just a complicated guy, Dirk.  
GG: It’ll all work out in the end.  
TT: Thanks, Jane.  
TT: Yeah, thanks Jane.  
TT: Why do I keep you activated?

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering gutsyGumshoe [GG]


	16. ==> Be Jake

**== > Be Jake **

Jake felt like every inch of his body had been sucker punched. Twice. At least he could move around now; during the first week after the crash every muscle in his body was so sore he couldn’t even get up. It was because he had tensed up so much before he hit the tree.

He winched remembering it. That night had been quite the excursion.

Jake hobbled over to the stairs that lead out of his bedroom. He’s never had a cast before. It was large and clunky and disagreed entirely with his machineguns-in-the-corner room. It was a wonder he hadn’t snapped his neck.

He very, very carefully picked his way down the vine riddled steps and into the corridor where now two wooden crates resided. He hadn’t moved the last one. He never really did any maintenance to the island at all.

He sighed as he picked up some food to put in the backpack he carried around now. It had been a little over two weeks and he still hadn’t gotten the hang of a crutch.

Instead of braving the stairs he decided to sit on the steps at the edge of the corridor and eat some gummy worms. It took a while to work past all the vines, they were thicker here, but eventually he reached the end of the stone walkway.

The pumpkin patch engulfed an acre of land in any direction. Something about the soil made the gourds grow huge. Jake never harvested them, so they just kept dying and growing and getting bigger. They’d been there all those years ago, when he had first visited with his grandmother.

Jake pondered the memory as he studied a pink sugar coated gummy worm. That had been so long ago. He had been so small. Dirk had actually been the one to explain the events of that night to him. There were some perks to having a friend from the 24th century.

He watched as one of the stranger creatures on the island approached the pumpkin field. The ghostly centaur paid no mind to Jake as it stroked its mustache and kept cantering through the jungle. They had herds all around the island and never really did anything.

After his night with Mr. Monster, Jake had really reconsidered the many pale monsters that swamped the island. There was no denying they were intelligent. Dirk had explained lusii briefly but even now the creatures were mysterious as ever, like so many things in his life.

Jake finished the last gummy worm and licked the sugar off his fingers. He was restless. It was horrid to be confined to his home day in and day out. After drying his hands on his shirt he pulled out his pistols and did some target practice. The poor pumpkins never stood a chance.

Birds flew away from the noise. He saw how far away he could shoot smiley faces into the pumpkins. His farthest was a little under half way across. Jake thought he could shoot even further but his clip ran out. All good things must come to an end.

He laid back on the step as he loaded his reserve clips, but he didn’t shot them. Instead, he yelled out.

“Why is everything so unbelievably dull!”

His voice rang out among the trees, scattering the few birds that had remained. Something had heard him, though, and emitted a shrill noise in his direction. “Oh fickle fackle.”

Jake pushed himself up on the crutch and hobble into the safety of the corridor.

 

After _finally_ making his way back to his room, he found out what had made the noise. Through his window he could see one of the annoying crab monsters scuttling around the pumpkin patch. Brobot had saved him from those things more than once.

Jake glanced forlorn at the dead robot slouched over in the corner of his room. It had looked after him for so long. Sure, it was annoying and a bit perverse, but it had saved his life on multiple occasions.

Seeing the robot only made him think of Dirk.

He glanced over at his computer, and wondered if it would do any good to pester him.

“No, I ruined the motorcycle he’d worked on for months. He doesn’t want to speak to me.”

With that cheery though he snatched the laptop anyway and settled down on his bed. He was too situated to go grab one of his discs, so instead he scrolled through his downloaded selection. It was sorted by most recently watched. Right at the top: _Jurassic World._

He groaned into his hands. Dirk Strider. Why did that name mean so much to him? Dirk Strider. It was just letters. Dirk Strider. Noise.

Dirk Strider.

Dirk was his friend, but it was different than with Roxy or Jane. It’s not that Dirk and he were closer, it was just… different. Warmer.

He leaned his head back, accidently slamming it into the wall. “Ow! Yes, that’s good thinking, Jake, go and concuss yourself again, why don’t you.” He rubbed the back of his head and looked back at the computer.

An orange dot was blinking on his Pester Chum.


	17. Dirk ==> Pester Jake

** Dirk == > Pester Jake **

timaeusTestified [TT] began pestering golgothasTerror [GT]

TT: Listen, Jake. I’m sorry you got hurt. I never meant for that happen. I didn’t want to screw you over on your fifteenth birthday and I didn’t want you to be bedridden and I should have just built you some damn safety gear, a fucking helmet. This is my fault. I’m sorry.  
GT: Dirk, I know this wasn’t your intentions.  
GT: I forgive you.     
GT: Really old chap don’t beat yourself up.  
TT: You almost died.  
GT: Eh, it takes more to kill Jake English.  
GT: Besides, I learned something while I was out there bleeding to death.  
TT: Really?  
TT: And what was that?  
GT: Always wear a helmet.  
TT: Well no fuck.  
TT: I learned that too.  
TT: Man, I’m still sorry though.  
GT: I’m sorry I totaled your bike.  
TT: I don’t care about the bike.  
TT: I care that you’re okay.  
TT: Besides we can fix the bike.  
TT: It’s no big deal.  
TT: I even designed some gear.  
TT: We’ll have you ridding in no time.  
TT: If you want.    
GT: Yes, I would quite enjoy that.  
TT: Well then there you go.  
GT: There I went, indeed.  
TT: Yeap.  
GT: Yes.  
TT: So  
GT: Yes?  
TT: Whatcha doing?  
GT: What do you think?     
GT: Looking for a movie to watch.  
TT: I’ll watch one with you.  
GT: Oh no, you and I are marathoning.  
TT: Yeah I guess I deserve that.  
TT: What’s on the playlist?  
GT: Star Wars, all six.  
TT: You know I got a copy of the seventh one, right?  
GT: The one that is supposed to come out in 2015?  
TT: And the eighth, and the ninth.  
GT: We are most definitely watching those as well.  
GT: If you can handle it.  
TT: You underestimate my power.  
GT: I’m impressed, but originals first.  
TT: Yes sir.  
GT: Rightio, let’s get to it.

timaeusTestified [TT] ceased pestering golgothasTerror [GT]


	18. ==> Be Dirk

**== > Be Dirk**

Something was going to happen very, very soon. Things had been getting tense on Derse. There were rumors of assassination plans and rings and a bunch of other crazy shit that didn’t sound good. Something…. Dirk shook his head and pushed his Dream consciousness to the back of his mind.

He’d been talking to the mysterious pair uu and UU way too much. They were polar opposites, as far as he could tell, and yet they both agreed on one thing: he and his friends were about to be thrown into a storm.

Dirk set down the circuit in front of him and walked over to the window. Clouds smothered any trace of blue there might have been in the sky. February wasn’t exactly known for its pleasant weather.

He paced the room. Most of the time, the small space didn’t bother him. He stayed in shape, there were plenty of things to do, always more robots to build. Still, there was one thing Dirk could never do: he couldn’t run.

He’d tried it a few times on Derse. But in the low gravity it was more of a bouncy moon-walk. He figured the carapaces must weigh a ton. It was much more convenient to fly. Never in his life had he been able to just run until he was out of breath.

He drummed his fingers over a katana. A nagging feeling in his gut had been pestering him for days. It was like standing on the edge of an event horizon. There was nothing to be done. Time kept pulling him nearer and nearer to whatever danger lie ahead. Him, and his friends.

His fingers stilled and he sighed.

At least he could face whatever was coming up with them by his side. Dirk gripped the sword’s handle determinedly. He wouldn’t let them get hurt. Never.

There was nothing to be done about it now, though.

Yet he was too fidgety to sit at the computer.

Instead, he carefully scooted the desk back and retrieved a large red board that had been propped behind it. Dirk laughed to himself as he brushed the dust off. It needed some cleaning, but the sweet paint job looked like it was done yesterday.

He slipped the board under his arm and grabbed one of his lesser katanas before heading up the stairs to the roof top. The cold winter air hit him like a wall, but he told himself to get over it. There would come a day when Dirk Strider gave in and wore a jacket. Today was not that day.

The board looked as good as new. Like most of Dirk’s inventions, it stayed around for a while. He set it on the cement and stepped on. Small sensors in the hover boards surface activated, adhering themselves microscopically to his converse. He put a small amount of pressure on his left heel. The engines rocketed to life.

Dirk fell into an easy boarding stance as it rose.

“Hal, are the spiderbot 2.0s’ boosters all charged?”

TT: Way ahead of ya.

Dirk was only ten yards into the air when the first metallic bot streamed into his peripheral vison.

He readied his sword and smiled.

“Hell fucking yes.”

**Author's Note:**

> I really tried to write everyone according to who they were pre-game. Yeah, this is short. It was more of an experimental thing. I'd really appreciate feedback. I hope you liked it! Thanks for reading!


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